In life and in death

As i waited for my mother in law's remains to be brought back from the hospital, i feel compelled to look within me.  As usual we did not hv the greatest MIL-DIL relationship but something about someone's death that breaks whatever barriers left within you. There is a benign presence and you know the only thing left is love, forgiveness and farewell.

I feel a stillness in me, and a numbness of emotions, almost expanded over my being. Death is one of life's grand processes, no bigger or lesser than birth. A part of me feels overwhelmed that she is already moving forward in the soul journey to next level. It is really something that we need to acknowledge more deeply when the tears fall in grief, willing them back.

Death comes with a blessing. It provides sudden empty state of presence to reflect about the next course of our lives. It makes life suddenly very limited and insignificant. Where do we go from here? Often it alters the very way we hv been leading our lives. What is of utmost importance? Bickerings, petty lil fights, comparisons, jealousies, hatred, blames, ... etc.. is never worth it in human relationships. It is a total waste of time and energy. When we are in our last moments, do we think of what accounts we hv to settle with others? I think most only think about the love they hv given and received from others.

Today three children have lost their mother, a mother who supported them with all her care, forgiveness and love almost feverishly. It is heartbreaking to hear their cries of mourn. Mother's love is the closest you can get to highest form of love, they say. And my MiL was an epitome of loyalty and support, almost to a fault.

Just a month back, she brought out all her old albums. As i sat there next to her while she explained all her old photos, i cant help but feel a light around her, a strong, warm energy that enveloped me. I felt then whatever small misgivings i had felt towards her in our imperfect MIL-DIL relationship slowly melt away to be replaced by a benign love. Her face was strangely radiant. This always happens to those who are close to natural death, it is said.

When finally i saw her remains, it was with a kind of wonderment that this physical body that once pulsated with life now looked like an empty shell. The spark was gone, the soul has left. And it was with a sudden shock i realised that all these years i had not been communicating with the body at all but in fact with that invisible life behind it. It is that life that we are all going to miss.

My prayers for her soul. May she rest in peace.

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