I am depressed on a New Year's day and mind you, it is no hangover. In fact even the idea of party, screaming the countdown and going nuts with only the rest of the world don't seem to be dragging me out of these doldrums.
It all started happening a month back. I dont know whether these things are really planetary or some global thing onsetting the dreaded credit crunch (hey, even Oprah is depressed i hear!) or just things going wrong in one's life or that yerba mate i am experimenting.
I can't ever remember being this depressed in the last 10 years. Anything that can go wrong in my life, seems to be going wrong (maybe Darwin started something here!). I can't seem to be able to shake the damn thing off even with all the psychological manevoures ive learned over the years. I seem to be 'attracting' bad news all of a sudden...bad vibes too. I guess anyone who believes in evil wrongdoings would have scrambled off to a psychic or shaman by now but i happen to be in a stage where i want to be able to handle these things myself.
I got up this morning with a dreadful heaviness in my stomach. Like as though I have nothing more to look forward in life. But i know it is totally wrong. It is not right. Suddenly the future seems so bleak and undecided. I used to able to guess at least a bit what i hv to look forward too but even in prayers.. things are blur.
Maybe i am in a some sort of junction in my life. Some time back, someone told me that.. that i would be making some decisions end of 2008 that would alter the course of my next 20 years. No one can tell for sure how accurate numerology is but i happen to be ending some 7 and half years of bad luck finally and this is what i get? Then i rather have my bad luck back coz the last few years were pretty darn good compared to .. duh... today! Or maybe it is all temporal.. like a great stillness before the next rejuvenating rainfall. At least, i am hoping for it's sake, i might be looking at a smashing tomorrow soon!
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