Making choices you don't want to make... Zen

Life is Zen.

This morning i got up and looked in the mirror and almost didnt recognise the tensed, morose face staring back at me. It is one of those days when tombs of past memories stick out like sores within the membranes of your mind.

I aksed myself, have i really made the right decision moving back to my hometown. It really didnt hit me as it did now that i had more or less burned a few bridges for me. Gone are my career days, gone are my city dreams for my kid and i probably have to make some permanent life adjustments.

After a week's of settling period, a part of me is starting to miss the fast life in cities where if you need to chill, you can always find a sprawling mall to kill those exhausting mind naggings. But i miss most of having my own space. Not that im in any position to complain, but its a challenge living with obsessive, neurotic loved one and especially if you are a bit of obsessive and neurotic yourself. Though you know you probably ought to be more mature and able to take it along or step around things, but end of the day it gets pretty exhausting having to walk on eggshells and hoping you haven't upset the other person. You just need to get out to breathe sometimes.

But then, i tell myself, even if it isnt this, i probably have a lot of other issues to deal with in a different environment cause its all part and parcel of life. Our connection with the world around us and learning to make the necessary adaptation and improvisation in other to fit and not lose yourself either.

For it comes to my mind, some stuff i read about being happy, first you need to keep yourself happy, and keep your loved ones happy and finally even if you cant make everyone happy, at least dont hurt people unnecessarily. I dont know whether that sinks with everyone but it rings a bell within me. And for the time being, im going to stick to it till life delivers me the next lesson.

Its all Zen.