I am not obsessive!! I am not obsessive!! I am not obsessive!! I am not obsessive!! I am not obsessive!!

Its time for some contemplation. I reread my previous blog and decide to do some research. And here's my two ringgit (internet charges) worth of findings. Every family unit carries some sort of genetic tendencies. (Duh!Ok, i heard that, but read on) Yeah, beyond that, we also carry the same idiosyncrasies and at a deeper level, psychological and physiological defects.

Let's talk about mental and emotional related defects, prevalent in many families especially those of professionals and intellectuals who live under high pressures to succeed greatly. Many intelligent, high achieving, individuals suffer from anxieties, schizophrenias and depression. Oobsessive-compulsive disorder comes very closely related.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder-anything psychiatric sound rather off putting and it brings about two reactions. Denial or embarrassment. But lets look at the basic definition. Psyche i.e. 'mind' in latin is a powerful yet vulnerable thing. It is exposed to many anxieties especially in our fear based world. Everything is about fear, fear of God, fear of society, fear of system, fear of poverty, losing control of our lives, career and relationship based fears, fear of unknown and so on. So how much fear can the grey blob in our skull handle without some minor short circuits at least. What fear does to your body and mind can be overwhelming. Every single fear is like shock to our system. So if we are living in constant fear of something, it is bound to cause some permanent damage to us.

Maybe we are brought up in an environment of 'don't do this, don't do that' and some conflicting notions are drummed into our heads by society. Then the well meaning school system drums in other fear based notions. Then the workforce with its hierachy issues, pleasing employers and the people we work for can take a heavy toll on us. And then our social connections, the need to look good and fear of being rejected, "what would our neighbours say" fear of being looked down upon, of losing our reputation and the strain of keeping up to the expectations of others. All these can cause a lot of anxieties.

And OCD is more or less an anxiety disorder. Wikipedia has this to say:- OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has worked its way into the wider English lexicon, and is often used in an offhand manner to describe someone who is meticulous or absorbed in a cause. Such casual references should not be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is also important to distinguish OCD from other types of anxiety, including the routine tension and stress that appear throughout life. A person who shows signs of infatuation or fixation with a subject/object, or displays traits such as perfectionism, does not necessarily have OCD, a specific and well-defined condition.

Obsessions are defined by:

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress.
The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems.
The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action.
The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind.

Compulsions are defined by:

Repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.

The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive.

Symptoms may include some, all or perhaps none of the following:

Repeated hand-washing.
Specific counting systems — e.g. counting in groups of four, arranging objects in groups of three, grouping objects in odd/even numbered groups, etc.
One serious symptom which stems from this is "counting" your steps, e.g. you must take twelve steps to the car in the morning.
Perfectly aligning objects at complete, absolute right angles, etc. This symptom is shared with OCPD and can be confused with this condition unless it is realized that in OCPD it is not stress-related.
Having to "cancel out" bad thoughts with good thoughts. Examples of bad thoughts are:
Imagining harming a child, and having to imagine a child playing happily to cancel it out.
Unwanted sexual thoughts. Two classic examples are fear of being homosexual or fear of being a pedophile. In both cases, sufferers will obsess over whether or not they are genuinely aroused by the thoughts.
A fear of contamination; some sufferers may fear the presence of human body secretions such as saliva, sweat, tears, or mucus, or excretions such as urine or feces. Some OCD sufferers even fear that the soap they're using is contaminated. [1]
A need for both sides of the body to feel even. A person with OCD might walk down a sidewalk and step on a crack with the ball of their left foot, then feel the need to step on another crack with the ball of their right foot. Also, if one hand gets wet, the sufferer may feel very uncomfortable if the other is not.

Obsessions are thoughts and ideas that the sufferer cannot stop thinking about. Common OCD obsessions include fears of acquiring disease, getting hurt, or causing harm to someone. Obsessions are typically automatic, frequent, distressing, and difficult to control or put an end to. People with OCD who obsess about hurting themselves or others are actually less likely to do so than the average person.

Compulsions refer to actions that the person performs, usually repeatedly, in an attempt to make the obsession go away. For an OCD sufferer who obsesses about germs or contamination, for example, these compulsions often involve repeated cleansing or meticulous avoidance of trash and mess. Most of the time the actions become so regular that it is not a noticeable problem. Common compulsions include excessive washing and cleaning; checking; hoarding; repetitive actions such as touching, counting, arranging and ordering; and other ritualistic behaviors that the person feels will lessen the chances of provoking an obsession. Compulsions can be observable — washing, for instance — but they can also be mental rituals such as repeating words or phrases, or counting.

Okay. I have this to add- my two cents worth homemade psychology. In my personal experience, i think there are some undiscovered paramenters to this disorder. I.e. a compulsion to think negatively about everyone and everything in general. Its like the mind is wired that way. A kind of short circuit that keeps the nerves going some twisted way. Every input and output of the mind becomes complicated as the pathways are blocked probably by the damage of past traumas or insufficient workings of the neuropaths. These nerve 'blocks' keep thoughs going off in a tangent off course the natural way and causing unnatural reactions. Unfortunately a damaged mind is not some bad roadwork that can be rectified with some machines and reconstructions.

Therefore things remain pretty much the same for a lifetime unless some thing happens to unblock the problems or an aged mind brings about a wisdom to see throught the defects.

Now, i have to go and wash my feet, again.