Motherhood for me has been an accelerated journey of education and enlightenment . I had been granted the opportunity to participate and observe the works of nature and higher intelligence in the creation of a life. Later i was given the opportunity to observe the development of human nature.
From the time my little one was conceived and made known his existence the very next day, throughout gestation i noticed a subtle but significant altered personality and reactions on my part which i could have sworn was a mingling fetal personality with my own. I found myself reacting in ways i knew wasn't the real me, a kind of masculine aggressiveness prevailed within me throughout my pregnancy even my other half noticed it frequently and it was not just testosterone overflowing in my system, we knew. At one point during my sixth month, we had a small fight and i found myself leaping onto the bed and challenging my husband into a fist fight. I was totally like a woman possessed and my husband was struggling between shock and mirth at my bizarre actions. When he started laughing, i came to my senses and stepped down the bed, but not before realising that i had felt a huge surge of energy rushing up my womb to my head.
The whole experience left me in total amazement and in confirmation of what i had already suspected when i had my daughter 10 years ago, that we mothers do take on more than we think medically and scientifically in pregnancy. A miracle takes place, a channel between human existence and nature is quietly bridged. Our body starts displaying an intelligence of it own, it nurtures and protects the fetus through many development stages whether we help or not. I found that i was acutely aware of the developing baby's mental state especially, it was almost i was having unconscious conversation with him daily. Every mother should never miss this connection, sometimes even tricky situation can be solved if only we 'listened' to the life developing within.
As my boy grew day to day, month to month, i saw his struggle to take control of his body and the world around him. From just instinctive urges, i saw his character taking shape. I was able to differentiate between inherent tendencies and acquired characteristics. Every child, as in nature were born with an ability to be gentle and caring. Yet, the self preservation is also existing, especially when it comes to sustenance, the survival instinct is all inbuilt and give forth many connecting emotions like defensiveness, anger and a little bit selfishness. The babies also have a remarkable tendency to reflect maternal emotions and state, absorbing emotional patterns just when you think keeping extreme emotions hidden and suppressed in front of them will escape them.
But the greatest gift of all of being a mother is that you want to strive to provide for them better. You want to present to them this world without its smokescreens and hypocrisies because you don't want your children to waste valuable years in ignorance and suffer unnecessarily like you or your parents did. You feel the responsibility to clear off the delusions and rid of pressures and unreal expectations. You want to clear the path of its bumps and debris for your child to be able to crawl, toddle and run without barriers. In that outward cleaning and inward cleansing process, you also discover a lot of things for yourself, you wisen up. It's time to get serious and have fun too.
This world, this very human life we live on, its cultures, religions, its systems and rules, is all based on one person or a group of person's survival plan. It is all based one man's gain and another man's loss. Someone is always functioning in a programmed way in order to benefit others.
I have struggled for years on the concept of God and my Hindu origins. Though i hv felt the energies that runs deeps behind all the rituals and worshippings, the DO's and DON'Ts by its priests and so called righteous people of the society leaves many a human with a terrible sense of shame and guilt. Not surprisingly many of this faith end up with terrible inferiority complex which can be worse than superiority complex.
Is that all God is about? To reward, condemn and punish? I have asked myself why is the Hindu Gods are so hard to please, each having its own idiosyncrasies and not a participating God in the first place until we need to coax them with vows, offerings and fasts even for 'them' to take notice of us? I struggle to come to terms how a compassionate and good God would 'allow' for unnecessary sufferings of humans, even children who have to fight to live. It just doesnt make sense. And ive learnt that when it doesnt make sense, when it doesnt connect to the wisdom and intelligence within, it's time to RETHINK YOUR LIFE.
Buddha it seems has said that never to trust what anyone says or even what he says, blindly without us considering it ourselves without our logic and intuition. Having done that, I feel even Buddha may hv done somethings not quite appropriate for human life those days. All the monkhood and renunciation he started off has all ended up 5000 years later in hypocrisy and egoistic practices that has led his followers further away from discovering the Truth. People just go and bow in front of his huge golden images and pray for quick reliefs from problems and more money. Everyone quotes what he said or did without thinking deeply into its significance. Dont eat mushroom, because that was what that poisoned his last meal, but did buddha tell us to do that?? Be vegetarian, but is it OK to steal a suckling calf's milk and drink it ourselves, turn it into cream and cheese for luxury when the calf itself is torn away from his mom within hours of being born so that we can have its milk???
And then there is those ideas of money. Rich people are bad and stingy we read in most childhood story books. Poor people are good and unfortunate. I think it is a whole load of bullshit.
Now i am never against money. I think it is a tangible form of human energy which empowers us to do many things we need and desire. What i am against is poverty and all the perception of it. One man remains poor because there is one man or institution is HOARDING all the extra money. No human being should be poor and a responsible human being will not allow himself to stay poor. It is not something you need to accept, you cannot blame to society or circumstance for it. And it is the responsibility of every other human to help them out of it and the only thing left to be is a REDISTRIBUTION OF GLOBAL WEALTH so that it can be enjoyed EQUALLY by everyone, and not only one person who feels he needs a mansion of 30 rooms, multiple vacation homes, yachts, collections of expensive cars and personal jets to live by. That now is just not right. Yes, we are entitled to enjoy beautiful homes, good food and other many luxuries but never should be AT THE EXPENSE of other humans who are paid meager wages just to struggle with bills and lifetime repayments that by the time they retire, they no longer have the energy to enjoy what remains of their life.
I have come to realise that every system that the world operates on his based on one man's selfishness and greed. A group of cunning people have decided that the only way they and their generations can have a luxurious lifestyle is to the get the rest of the world 'willingly' to slave for them. And that means brainwashing and branding. People have been brainswashed to think they have to work 9 hours daily for living, staying cooped up in enclosed office spaces, away from family, children and friends. People have been told and 'forced' to through the system, first education, every child is required to go through it without exception. Little children plucked out of sleep unnaturally and dressed into uniforms and left at the mercy of low paid teachers whose mental and emotional maturity is often suspect. The children are force fed to bow to the system and at a tender age itself, made to feel unworthy of their intelligence and creativity. Ive seen again and again, gentle 5 year olds who still in their childhood innocence dumped into kindergartens and turning into beasts and monsters within a month of having done so. They develop anger, frustrations, meanness and pettiness. Is this education? Ive decided i will never send one of my own to this hell holes till he is able to defend himself and to be sure of his dignity to fight back.
And then we have our societal and economic systems, again all based on manipulation and lies. It is a theft if a pick pocket flicks 100 bucks from your pocket but a 'prestigious' thing when you buy a car priced at 20k and end up paying another extra 20k for nine years in form of interest. That is daylight robbery!! Why isnt anyone fighting this theft?
And then the medical and pharmaceutical lie. Most of them i realised the doctors that we are brainwashed to place on such high pedestal (maybe because no one would even do the 'dirty' job if it were treated like any other job) are not worth such worship because most of time, they dont really know what they are treating. And then you have doctors who become doctors because their parents want to boast to the whole world that they raised doctors and the DR in front of their names gives them a major thrill, these doctors just sit in their little rooms, and not even listen to the patients instead they just issue prescriptions and tell them to come back in a week or two if not recuperated, in that irritatingly condescending voice.
So come to think of it, i dont think i want my children to run through the mill. I want them to live originally, instinctly, intelligently, worthy as humans with humane qualities they are. Yes, i want them to be able to survive in a world that has yet to realise its follies and change. Till then, i want my children to be self sufficient. I rather provide them with beautiful homes and be self sufficiently, i rather they be farmers than doctors, lawyers or stiff accountants. I tell them everyday, yes, the world is running on autorun, dont ever listen to anyone who tell you how great it is though, the world being the systems and practices. But the natural world, my dears, is a beautiful miraculous place, the nature will teach you to be humane, better humans. Don't ever listen to your teachers, doctors, politicians or even your mother without having considered it yourself whether it is the right way for your evolution. But meanwhile till you reach that maturity i will provide for you, remember you dont hv to EARN my love or respect, the fact that you are a HUMAN BEING is a good enough already.
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