I had an ephiphany this morning while washing dishes..oh yea! I had been thinking.. dammit.. i hate dipping my hands into cold dirty water first thing in the morning... but i still had the house to clean, the front to wash and the laundry to put out. My whole body had gone into a tensed mode.. resisting.. agitated.. feeling sorry and angry. And then it hit me!
You know what Radha, there are better ways to live than like this. Better ways to think that this only way that you know .. that you have been trained to.
Happiness is always a present option...NOW! Just a shift.. a thought away. At the same time i caught the sight of the neigbour's young German Shepherd goofing around in their yard.. this same dog that used to get bashed up real bad till i put a stop to it! She is just deliriously happy chasing 'nothing' around the trees. She just was just going mad.. for nothing..running around and around the durian tree... no care in the world .. didnt give a damn who might think what.. dint care a damn that in 10 minutes she would be shooed back inside her prison cage to be left the whole day till the owners came home 9 hours later. She was jus there.. in her present.. joyful.. celebrating life. And she was such a delightful sight!
Wish i had that feeling in me. Instead i was there hovered over the sink.. hating the moment..thinking about things that happned last week.. and years ago... stirring up yucky emotions that were burning off life essence in me. I dint hv to think of those things and feel that way.. i can learn to let it go. Now.
But u know what again.. i dint want to opt for something jus because i didnt get what i had hoped for in life... i dint want to feel like a 'loser' settling for second best.. but if it had to take disappointment to lead me to this revelation.. then im fine.. otherwise .. id would be like a child with an ice cream being coaxed to munch on a plate of greens instead because the latter is better for you. Would a child with ice cream in hand let it go? Nope. I wouldnt hv but i see the green is always the better and long term option now. But i guess it be nice to hv an ice cream one in a while!
