When i did a course in counselling in Universiti Malaya 2 years ago, i was shocked my psychology lecturer hadnt even heard about social phobia. She asked me to explain wat it was and i tried explaining it to her the best i knew.. and finally she said.. ahh.. stage fright.. dont worry about it, one jus has to pretend that everyone in the room is a vegetable to overcome shyness!
Stage fright is no near social phobia! Cant blame her although i think a person in her position should be more well informed about the 3rd most common disorder in the world today after depression and schizophrenia but the least understood.
When i personally experience its first onslaught at reaching puberty, i dint even hv a name for it till 8 years later. But i remember the exact moment it surfaced. I was in a middle of a reading a passage in my class when i felt my body go cold, blood drained off my face and limbs, a felt a shiver, and then a lump at my throat and i choaked and my heart started racing.. almost the same symptoms i guess as panic attack but it had a difference. SUddenly i felt totally exposed... that everyone was staring at me and i could might as well stood there naked!!! The thought that 'i was making a fool' of myself kept running over and over in my head although my logical side kept asking, why? But the fear overcame me and iT was the single most humiliating moment i had ever experienced in my whole life. That was the beginning and it was just kept getting worse from thereone till i dreaded having any sort of attention put on me.
However in my twenties as i gathered more information through books.. and later the internet was a blessing.. i was able to take a control on it gradually through counter thoughts and monitoring my thoughts. I refused to consider medication as i felt it would only numb the troubled mind and never eradicate the actual causes.
Life became a battle and in many instances i had ended up short selling myself to accommodate this condition but i had also won many battles against it especially the important ones and that had been a self-fulfilling journey. It also forced me to take a look at things i guess i would hv taken for granted without it. I never look over another person with any such conditions now.. understand their struggle and developed an empathy for emotional sufferings especially children and that made me a better mother.
So yea, life did strap resistant weights to my ankles and make me run for it ... in the end.. i jus developed strength and stamina!
