(FAMILY) Remembering Purnam........

Purnam is the loving petname my grandfather had for her, my maternal grandmother. It means the full moon. That’s how her face was …and her smile. A lady with the biggest, brightest smile for everyone. She grew up an intelligent child who mastered many languages. Unfortunately, her education was cut short by foreign occupation. Instead, for her own protection she was married off at the age of 16 to my grandfather who fell in love with her, the first time he saw her.

They raised 11 children together. Despite a huge family to feed, she found innovative ways to raise side income to feed and educate her family. She was a mighty businesslady of those days. She could sell anything to anyone. A coconut falling from her trees, if not needed will be immediately sold to a neighbour for a few cents. Nothing wasted. She was very thrifty. She reared her own chicken, goats and cows. Grew her own vegetables. Harvested her own rice. No money was wasted. Her family was allowed home-cooked food only. Even in her late years, I can still remember her getting up 5am in the morning and fiddling around in the kitchen to prepare breakfast for everyone. Her speciality, multi layered roti canai. She would sit in an old rattan chair and lovingly knead the dough for what it seemed hours while listening to the early morning radio shows. The result, half an inch thick layered roti canai, drenched in margarine and served steaming hot and fluffy. The whole house will be filled with its heavenly aroma and one is never enough for anyone. Till today, no roti canai has ever lived up to hers.

She was always on her feet doing something. Full of energy. Whether taking care of her sundry shop which she later opened from sheer hard work and her savings, or tending to her vegetable patches and animals, cleaning, taking care of her family and eventually grandchildren, daily cleaning and cooking all the meals. Mind you her cooking was always done traditionally, no instant powders-all spices grounded patiently on the grinding stone-try grinding fenugreek and coriander from scratch, you'll know what i mean; for coconut milk, coconut straight from the tree is husked with a parang, then shaven with primitive coconut shaver, a tedious job and she would single handedly do the peeling, cutting –not to mention those days, your taugeh comes with its tail and you got to sit and pick them one by one. Imagine a kati of taugeh and that’s at least one hour’s work. No luxury of maids. She was self employed and yet she managed it all. Today when I think about it, I can’t help but marvel how she did it!! It was a herculean task!

In my mid teens I left home for another town for studies and for the next 10 years, I hardly saw much of her much except yearly celebrations. After school, I went to work. I would see her twice or thrice a year. In her final years, I realized how withered she had become, only half the size she was. But her smile was still the same.

You could put her in any room and any crowd, and within minutes you can see her making her rounds around strangers, introducing herself and if she has her way, there might be a small business talk somewhere. She would have made an excellent PR person in our corporate world has she been born in this era.

She was a person of high integrity and she lived her values of honesty, hard work, courage, grace, dignity, and independence. She was generously to those she felt deserved it like children, I remember how she would take pity on poor and allow them to buy things 'credit' from her (except many never paid her back)…she couldn’t bear to watch newborn being fed coffee with sugar or condensed milk. But she always did it discreetly without a need for glory.

I remember when I first started working, I was so proud to send her some money for her birthday, a hundred ringgit. She thanked me. A year later, on my birthday, she sent me, a hundred and one ringgit. She was a lady of class of its own, my grandmother.

One day, she was doing her usual weekly vegetable marketing when suddenly she tripped and collapsed. She was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with stroke. These were the heart-wrenching memories of her. A grand old lady reduced to having people fend for her. She was unable to move or speak well. But all of us hung on…hoping she would fight. But I think her spirit was broken. She knew she will never be her efficient self again. I think she also secretly hated to burden anyone.....anymore. That was her attitude. She never liked to trouble people.

Two weeks later, as she was bathed and changed, she asked to have her evening meal…she was very relaxed and was smiling a lot. So it came of a shock, when suddenly she went into breathing difficulties and rushed to a local clinic.

Her last words to everybody around her were ….’thank you’ as she graciously bowed out of life.